Secrets
by whimsical-one-ga
Summary: Small plot bunny that attacked after watching Lauren, spoilers for episode included if you haven't seen it yet.  JJ/Hotch with some team dynamics thrown in.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I haven't abandoned Taken, this little drabble came to mind after watching Lauren, spoilers for Lauren below so proceed at your own risk. Just a little plot bunny, interested to know what you think. No beta reader, so any grammatical errors are typos are my own.

Disclaimer: As always no affiliation or ownership related to CBS, Criminal Minds, or characters of the show, if so JJ would have never left to be replaced by whatshername. This will likely be short, maybe 3 chapters tops.

Chapter 1:

Hotch glanced at the clock yet again as he waited, settling further into the sofa in his living room trying to occupy his mind with something besides worry over JJ and Prentiss, he had wanted to accompany JJ to the meeting even though he knew the state department could well take care of their own and would not send her out without backup. That knowledge however did not stop the nagging feeling in his stomach of what could happen if Doyle had found out the truth and found Emily while she was with JJ getting the documents she needed to successfully disappear.

He took another sip of alcohol, almost wishing for a moment that he had not let Jack go to his aunt Jessica's house that night, the quiet of the house seemed almost unnatural, doing nothing to calm his mind. Hotch felt a wave of relief as he heard the car door slam and was there with door open when JJ came up the walk, looking as tired and drained as he felt. She walked in wordlessly, with only a small expression of thanks as he handed her a beverage he had already prepared in anticipation of her arrival. They sat in the silent room, the faint ticking of the clock the only noise they heard until finally he spoke.

"I assume everything went as planned?" He asked in a low voice, knowing it likely had but wanting to hear the confirmation for himself.

"Yes , everything seems to be going like anticipated." JJ answered evenly as she ran her fingers through her hair as she reached to get a refill, obviously feeling burdened rather than relieved. Hotch watched her for a moment, observing the slight shakiness in her hands, and even though knowing this probably wasn't the best time decided to pursue the obvious signs of distress. "So what's wrong?" He asked compassionately as he moved to sit closer to her, allowing her to draw some comfort off his nearness.

"I'm a liar," she almost spat out angrily to his question, taking him by surprise. "I hate lying to the team, putting them through unnecessary grief." She continued, her self- loathing evident. Hotch waited for a minute to see if any more followed but as the silence stretched he began to speak again. "She may not be dead, but she is still gone from the team, you know they would still grieve over that, much the way as they did after you left."

"Thanks for that reminder," she said bitterly, "so I've hurt them twice now." Hotch opened his mouth to correct his statement but this time she wasn't finished. "There's a difference in grieving over ones absence when you know you can still see them, then when you think they're dead." She pointed out the obvious, anger still evident in her voice. "I told the team one of their best friends was dead, you saw the pain they suffered," she continued. Hotch nodded, having observed first-hand the devastated responses, especially Reid who had broken down and openly wept on JJ's shoulder. Hotch had also felt a small jab of guilt over that, the young genius had already suffered enough stress and trauma in his life and didn't need this to push him closer to the boundaries of a breakdown.

"What do you want to do, tell them?" He asked, choosing to look at any potential solutions rather than ruminating over what had already transpired.

"I would love to, but I know I can't." She responded, a tear finding it's way down her cheek. Overall it's the best for the safety of the team and for Prentiss. My superiors would also not be happy if I broke that protocol. "I know it's what has to be done, just doesn't mean I like it." She sighed deeply as she verbally accepted her choice aloud for the first time.

Hotch nodded in agreement, having reached the same conclusion earlier while he was grappling with the same feelings of guilt. Even though it had been the call of the state department he had gone along with it and played his part in the deception. Hotch had even take a few moments alone with JJ beforehand to coach her on how to tell the lie to the team of profilers. Though Hotch had reluctantly agreed with her bitter remark that they probably would not look closely at her body language due to their trust in their friend and former media liaison, even though he knew that would not help her feel better, but it did help make the pain on her face even more genuine as she broke the news.

"We could tell them about the other lie." He broached the topic gingerly, not sure if he wanted to open this door, but willing to do whatever it took to help JJ escape some of the self hatred she seemed to be feeling at the moment, knowing he would do anything to make her happy.

"I've thought about it," she admitted weakly as she snuggled against him, finally choosing to seek the comfort he offered as he draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "But telling the team a year later that I lied to them, and have been lying to them…" her voice trailed off.

"You weren't the only one, we both lied to them. But I know what you mean." Hotch said sympathetically as he pressed a small kiss to the top of her head. "It seemed so necessary a year ago, and now I wonder if we shouldn't have just faced the music." He spoke the same thoughts she was having aloud.

"You know what Strauss would have done, the damage it would have brought to you professionally, and also how it would have damaged the reputation of the team." She reminded him, covering again the ground that had caused them to deceive the team so long ago. "We also knew we would probably tell them one day, when enough time had passed that we didn't have to worry about repercussions from the bureau, I just didn't expect it to grow into this big of a lie."

"Do you think it's time to tell them now?" Hotch asked evenly, ready to trust her judgment on the matter.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Chapter 2 up already, thanks to NoReins94, FloatingAmoeba, VampireMuggle, and Berlian for your reviews. You guys had the secret partially right, I might have gone a little far OOC to make the secret that big, but I was looking for something to rival the lie about Prentiss. Anyway hope you enjoy the next installment. I didn't include whatsername… seriously I can't even remember her name. She hasn't yet stuck as part of the team IMO.

JJ was quiet for a lengthy time after Hotch had posed his question. Hotch was almost ready to check if she was still awake when she finally responded. "No, I don't think this is the time. They're in a lot of pain right now and they need to cope with that before we introduce another bombshell. I imagine they'd be torn between happiness and anger anyway. They might be happy for us, but probably more angry at not feeling trusted with our news." She spoke her feelings on the topic.

"You're probably right, they don't need to be coping with our secret on top of Prentiss." Hotch agreed, thinking again how skilled she would have been as a profiler.

"Besides how do you tell some of your best friends that you didn't tell them about a few major life events." JJ continued wondering, allowing her mind to go down that path rather than fixating on her feelings of guilt over Prentiss. I know, we could just have them over and in the middle of lunch I could just say "Hi guys, by the way, Hotch and I got together about two years ago, after a year of hiding our relationship we only pretended I didn't have a choice to go to the state department so that we could continue to be together without jeopardizing the team. Oh and since we had already hid that from you we weren't sure how to tell you when we got engaged and then last month eloped. Hope you don't mind us keeping that from you, you know how lies continue to grow right?" JJ said mirthlessly.

"Good point," Hotch said, "how about I just give Garcia an assignment that would cause her to end up digging up all she can on you, and let her and her super computers find that well buried marriage license and your new address that she'll probably recognize in an instant. Then she can break it to the team and they can just think they caught us."

"Oh yes, that would help them feel less lied to, then they wouldn't believe that we really intended to tell them one day." JJ wrinkled her nose at the suggestion. "I'm actually surprised no one has figured that out yet, I told Garcia about the split with Will and sharing custody with him for Henry, but she hadn't begun prodding me yet about any new men in my life. It's weird that she hasn't already begun trying to set up me, maybe she thinks I need more time." JJ mused.

"I think they're aware I've met someone," Hotch added, Rossi remarked that I seemed a lot happier, and made an allusion to "she must be someone special", but also didn't dig, I guess it's nice to have people respecting your privacy, but sure would have helped get the secret out sooner if they had tried to find something out. Hotch shifted as he spoke, pulling JJ so that she ended up sitting in his lap with her back against the armrest. "But you know, every time I start feeling guilty, I look at you, and think how wonderful it is to have you finally in my arms, and it seems worth it." He said sincerely, his eyes darkening slightly at her closeness and as the feeling of her small hand gently massaging the nape of his neck.

"I know exactly what you mean," she said with a small smile, leaning in to give him a small peck on the lips, though lingering as he pulled her tighter against him and the kiss deepened. Neither pulled away as the kiss intensified, both having become accustomed long ago to the refuge found in each other after tough cases or events. JJ arched slightly to allow his hand further access under the back of her blouse, marveling as she had many times about how small she felt in comparison to his large strong hands. She tightened her grasp around the back of his neck keeping him pulled close as their dance of comfort and refuge in each other continued.

Hotch finally allowed his hands to skim to the front and began blindly working on buttons, growling in frustration as the insistent sound of the doorbell suddenly interrupted his exploration of the soft skin before him. He reluctantly pulled back and met JJ's heated gaze with his own in silent apology. They had long ago learned to communicate with almost no words, and no words were needed at this time as she began to straighten her clothes and rebutton her shirt while he made similar adjustments and walked to the door to look through the peephole. "It's Rossi," he spoke over his shoulder, her cue to leave and go into a side bedroom to avoid detection before they were ready to tell the team in a more official manner. She had the presence of mind to grab the remainder of her Shirley Temple, and also had her shoes that had earlier fallen to the floor to erase the evidence of her in the large living room. They had decided awhile back that it would be the one room they both tried to keep neutral enough for any visitors to not recognize it as a family dwelling. As long as they didn't go into the kitchen and see the intermingled colored pictures on the refrigerator from Jack and Henry, or the family pictures that littered the bedrooms and places JJ's feminine touch were so apparent.

Hotch did a last scan of the room, and quickly checked to be sure he had gotten all the lipstick off his face and then opened the door, putting on his stoic hard to read mask as he did so. Rossi entered followed by Reid, Morgan and Garcia, who had apparently not been on the porch when he first looked. Hotch didn't speak as he looked at the subdued yet silent group, sensing their obvious apprehension at being here. Hotch finally gestured them inside towards the table of drinks, assuming in their state of shock that they were looking to pull together as a team for support and encouragement. He certainly couldn't blame them after the blow they had suffered tonight, inwardly sighing as he thought about the long visit ahead, knowing JJ would probably be out cold by the time they left.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Final chapter, thanks to n2aabmmummy, deeda, NoReins94 and JJandHotch4ever96 for your reviews. Yes in my own little mental world the scenario that they hooked up when JJ left the bureau is what I cling to as a way to cope with TPTB dropping her from the show. Hope you enjoyed my little drabble and I'll get back to work on other fics. Thanks again for reading, hope I didn't downplay Emily's death to much, but this was predominately designed as a JJ/Hotch fic.

Chapter 3

As Hotch opened the door, Rossi entered followed by Reid, Morgan and Garcia, who had apparently not been on the porch when he first looked. Hotch didn't speak as he watched the subdued yet silent group file by as he made a gesture to the table of various drinks. Hotch was a little surprised as he rarely got visitors, the team saw enough of each other with work and travel that they rarely seemed to visit each other at homes, everyone holding their personal time as sacred. He supposed however that it was normal considering the shock they had been through that this would be a time they felt the need to really pull together as a team even if it meant gathering at his house, unannounced.

The room was silent with only the sound of glasses clinking as everyone poured their beverage of choice. Everyone found a respective resting place on sofa's and armchairs and turned to face their leader. Hotch began to feel like he was under a microscope before someone suddenly spoke, he had expected Dave to be the verbal leader, but to his surprise it was Garcia who first broke the silence. Her question causing him to feel as if he had been struck by a train when she calmly asked "We came here so we could all be together, so isn't JJ going to come out and join us?". Hotch's dumbstruck look likely gave it all away, as if there was any doubt, before Rossi called out, "Come on out JJ, we know you're here." The team watched the hallway expectantly, they were soon rewarded by quiet footsteps and the appearance of their former media liaison with bright red cheeks and the tears already threatening to spill down her cheeks, shame at being caught in a lie evident in her expression.

Hotch offered her comfort in his steady gaze as he reached out for her and pulled her close to him as if it was the most natural thing in the world with the teams presence. "How long have you known?" He finally asked smoothly, realizing at the lack of surprise evident on their faces, heart hammering as he wondered which secret it was they were aware of.

"Come on Hotch, you work with a team of profilers, you think we didn't know you and JJ had something going on well before her transfer?" Morgan asked, almost looking like the cat that ate the canary as he viewed the couple. "Can't believe you didn't have more faith in us than that, and JJ don't cry, if we were angry with you we wouldn't have come here."

"Well to be honest we only suspected until the swamp killer case in Florida, where he was feeding his victims to alligators while they were still alive." Garcia clarified. "I know I wasn't even there," she hastily added seeing the confusion on her bosses face, but I heard from Prentiss how she had gone out for ice just in time to see a certain team member slipping out of your room in the wee hours of the morning.

JJ felt her cheeks burn as she realized that she had been seen, slipping to her room just two doors down, clad only in one of Hotch's dress shirts with her own clothes bundled in her arms. There sure hadn't been a way to misinterpret that. She silently chided herself for their lack of discretion, but that had been shortly after they had discovered their feelings for each other were reciprocated and in the phase of stealing every moment they could to be together, so much for secrecy she thought wryly. She also had a new wave of comprehension at Emily's parting words of "Say goodbye to Hotch for me," with that ambiguous smile before they parted.

Hotch and JJ both remained silent, still not sure what they should say next as they observed their friends, watching for reactions and trying to gauge their emotions on the subject.

"When the state department transfer came up, we suspected there might be more to it." Reid picked up the story where Garcia had left off. Garcia did some digging and we discovered the marriage license.

"Which I must admit was not very hard to find, so I worked my magic to bury it just a little deeper," Garcia chimed in, a smug smile evident on her face. Hotch read the body language of the team, and was relieved to see that they didn't appear angry, maybe some traces of annoyance but no hostility was evident.

"So you've known all this time, why come forward about it now?" He finally asked.

"We waited out of respect to the two of you, also Rossi made it clear to us what Strauss could have, and likely would have done if this had been public knowledge. She could have used it to crucify our team, our unit chief and media liaison sleeping together while on cases." Morgan said matter of factly.

"I have to say though, it sure wasn't the smartest move, sleeping with a subordinate even while we were on cases," Dave gently chided. "I was really surprised that you would both would go against protocol like that, perhaps I've had more influence on you than I thought." He almost smirked as he winked at Hotch, "at least you stayed relatively discreet."

Hotch accepted the criticism but quietly squeezed JJ's arm to send her the message that he didn't regret it at all.

"I'm sorry, not for how things happened, but for not telling you all sooner." JJ finally broke, happy to have the pressure of at least one secret out. She accepted the graciously offered forgiveness and could not ignore the relief that she felt washing over her, not knowing how good it could feel to finally unburden herself of the secret. Without thinking or consulting Hotch, she found herself blurting out more, "I'm so glad you understand, and I have one more secret I need to tell you." She gushed, seeing looks of surprise on the faces of the now rapt audience who had not anticipated anymore surprises .

Hotch tried to look calm as he waited, wondering about the repercussions that could follow of breaking the regulations and telling the team of the real outcome for Prentiss. His gut clenched, knowing that JJ shouldn't be doing this, but was wise enough to leave the decision to her.

"I would have had to tell you about Hotch and I eventually she continued as with a small glow as she caressed her still flat stomach. I found out just last week that Henry and Jack are going to be big brothers." She shared the news watching the teams faces light up at the same time Hotch's shoulders sagged in relief, she knew what he had been thinking she was going to say and relished for a moment the rare opportunity to have surprised him. The sadness of Emily's loss was still evident, but it felt good to give some good news for a change, with hopes that one day, when Doyle was out of the picture, she could confess to the team once again along with the return of their missing friend.


End file.
